flashociety

There's this song, that ever came into my life, like 2 years ago. The song is sweet. Supersweet. It came at the right time, and it was introduced by someone. At that moment, everything that came along with this song seemed so beautiful. But then after that, there were 2 years full of things that made me forget the song, and somehow I know, that's just what was needed to happen.

But tonight. Thanks to the evening of self-contemplation over my day, this song suddenly popped out of nowhere. It started playing, as I was whistling the melody and trying to recall the title, the lyrics, and what it brought along. That's the moment when I feel that.. I healed already. And this song doesn't do anything but good to me, to actually celebrate my growing up over the last 2-3 years.

'If you have to try so hard, then something must be wrong..'

It's genuinely true. True. Isn't it true, isn't it crystal clear? Isn't it something that we always forget, when we push something hard, too hard, for way too long, thinking that it may work, it might work someday, that when it works, all the effort will pay off dearly? We push, and push, and believe in it, and sometimes even when we have to pay it with pain, we snobbishly think that our resistance is what we are proud of, even when we say it with tears, a broken soul, and invisible blood of scars all over ourselves?

'If you have to try so hard, then something must be wrong..'

We forget. I forgot. We always do.
That some things are just not meant to be, not when we are excusing ourselves all this time with an imaginary vision of its working, while we are bleeding all over the place, still trying to put a smile on our faces, proudly calling it faith. Something must be wrong.

I was walking on one side of the road from church, attending the mass and listening to several readings about God, His presence, His helping hands, and stuff like that. The sky was cloudy, it was still in the morning, around 9.30 am. The breeze was a bit cold, and I was walking alone.

I was trying to think about things in my chest that bugged me when I was in the church. I remembered that I felt something in my chest that still had not come off from its place after a long long while, something from the past that sometimes still resurfaces.

The two minds clashed when suddenly I dared ask God. I said it silently. God, you'll help me through this, I know you will, you do, but please, strengthen me right now, pour me some rain. Pour me some rain.

It was only a couple of minutes after that when a drop of rain fell on the tip of my nose.